Fifth Grade Fiasco- A Recipe For Disaster
If you're just joining us you can read the whole story from the beginning here or you can just jump right in.
Showing posts with label Public School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Public School. Show all posts
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Deciding To Homeschool - Part 7 - The Dramatic Conclusion
If you're just joining us you can read the whole story from the beginning here or you can just jump right in.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Deciding To Homeschool part 6 "The Public School Years" 4th Grade
A TALE OF THREE TEACHERS
AND A BULLY.
Alright..here we go..if you've been reading my story, you know the drill by now..we went to orientation..warned the teachers..yadda...yadda..yadda. Only this time we told them about the evaluation, and that if they felt a need, we were more than willing to pursue getting Padawan diagnosed/labeled further...
Padawan's 4th Grade teacher, (I’ll call her Mrs Wonderful) was VERY organized. She had a system all worked out that I really loved. It seemed to work great for Padawan too- for the most part.
She had the students fill out job applications during the first week of school, and then she hired them to do jobs such as Lighting Technician, Line Leader, Door Holder, Clean Up Crew, and gave them fancy titles. Each job came with a paycheck of “play money” at the end of the week, and the students would pay for the “rent” of their desk and could buy things from her store. She also used a fine system for behavior.
Padawan reluctanly filled out his application for Lighting Technician..the simplest and least attention getting job. He was good at it too! As good as any child could be turning the lights and the television off and on at the appropriate times.
And she didn’t....
assign....
duhn...duhn...duhn...
HOMEWORK!!!
The best part about Mrs. Wonderful was that she had a teenage daughter who was very stubborn too, and she knew how to choose her battles. She made a distinction between Padawan’s behavior and his work habits. She always assured us that Padawan’s behavior was good, but his work habits were horrible. I was beginning to wonder if she was teaching the same immature student that the other teachers had so many behavior issues with.
Something about her method was really working with Padawan. She let us know all the time that she and Padawan had a good working relationship. Not only that, she sent home graded papers every Friday stapled together with a slip of paper on top listing any missing work or comments for the parents! This was awesome! I was taking mental notes, and even incorporating some of her methods at home. Things were looking up!
Or were they?...
Every story has to have a villain....
Or two...
Right?
So, needless to say, the co-teacher (I’ll call her Mrs. Too Strict), who was there 3 days a week, was another story. She was a dictator type, and she had a higher degree than Mrs. Wonderful. This didn’t sit well with Padawan that Mrs. Too Strict let it be known that she had a higher degree than Mrs. Wonderful.
Mrs. Too Strict didn’t choose her battles, so everything became a battle- not only with Padawan but with many of the other students too. This caused Padawan to not really pay attention to the subjects that she was trying to teach him. Mrs. Wonderful could even see where the problem was between Mrs.Too Strict and Padawan, but she explained that it would have been unprofessional for her to say anything to the other teacher about her methods. I agreed.
As the year progressed I was still getting a few emails here and there because of behavior, but not like some of the previous years. I was beginning to think that maybe this school thing might not be so hard after all.
Until....
One day, I got a phone call from the PE teacher. She had had the privilege of teaching Padawan since Kindergarten 2-3 days a week. I had received a few phone calls from her in the past and discussed Padawan’s stubbornness and personality traits with her. In the earlier years, she seemed like a really nice lady who cared about Padawan, but as the years progressed I began to realize that was just a front- she could no longer hide how she REALLY felt about Padawan.
Well, on this occasion, she had called to let me know that Padawan had refused to do his sit-ups with his partner and that this was NOT the first time he had refused to cooperate in PE.
Ummm...
At this point I’m thinking...
Didn't I already know this last part?..
What more can a mother do!?!?!
I had not talked with the PE teacher since I discovered that a lot of Padawan’s quirks etc, were typical of children on the Autism Spectrum. So, I took this opportunity to explain all this to her and I let her know that we were trying to find out the best way to go about getting him evaluated if it became necessary.
I told her I would ask Padawan when he got home from school what the deal was, but if I had to guess, it was because something had overwhelmed him or it could be due to the fact that Padawan does not really like to be touched by other people. She said (in her scary PE teacher tone of voice) that she would fix that! She would just have Padawan do his sit-ups alone from then on.
When Padawan got home I ask him about the email and why he didn’t do his sit-ups. He told me that Jabba (a giant of a boy- who was also the class bully) was holding his feet down with his knees instead of his hands and pressing really hard. He said that he asked Jabba to quit, over and over, but Jabba did not.
Happy that I got to the root of the problem, and that my suspicions were mostly right, I promptly emailed the PE teacher to let her know what was what was going on. She rudely replied that the problem was taken care of and she was just going to let him do his exercises alone like she said.
(Ok, maybe she didn’t really rudely reply- but that’s how I took the tone of her typing)
Jabba was always doing things to annoy and bully Padawan and the other kids in the class and even other adults- including my husband when he went to the school to have lunch with Padawan.
One day, Jabba sprayed spit on Padawan as they were walking back to class from the lunchroom! I found this out when Padawan came home from school and immediately ran for the shower. I was not happy!
I emailed Mrs. Wonderful to tell her about this and the incidence in PE. I asked her to please make sure that Jabba and Padawan stayed away from each other since I only knew half the story.
(I always made sure I let the teachers know that I knew my child wasn't perfect and there are two sides to every story anytime there was an incident. I didn't want to be one of THOSE parents)
Mrs. Wonderful let me know that she could not do much about it when they were out of her sight in the lunchroom. That was handled by the monitors, and as far as PE went,I would have to talk to the PE teachers. YAY ME.
I did get to meet Jabba at field day. This 4th grader was well over 5 feet tall and as big as a linebacker! He also looked to be bi-racial, and I’m not so sure if he was supposed to be a grade or two ahead. (I just thought I should mention that Mrs. Wonderful was all of 5 feet tall – if that much.) It was a funny sight to see the two of them next to each other.
The thing that surprised me the most when I saw Jabba during Field Day was,that I did not see him as the bully that I had heard so much about from my husband and Padawan. I saw him as a misunderstood child...so different from the other kids.. I don’t think he knew how to fit in. So, the Mom in me felt a little sorry for Jabba.
That day I also watched Padawan as he interacted with the other kids during the Field Day Activities
With my new eyes...
Filled with all that I had learned...
About Autism Spectrum Disorders...
And he too, appeared to be different than most of them...
in a different way than Jabba
And like he wanted to fit in...
And interact with them...
But just couldn't get it quite right...
My memory is fading on the other parts of the school year. It must have been pretty uneventful. Padawan exceeded standards on all the Standardized Tests, and his grades were all over the place as usual. He still had his best friend from Kindergarten that he talked about everything Lego with, and he had made a couple of new sort of friends.
And Padawan had learned all kinds of ways to say curse words with out really saying the word.
At home Padawan
SUMMER was here once again! In June, Hubby found a JOB!! And life was looking UP!
Things were getting back to the way they should be.. RIGHT?
Don’t kid yourself!
Stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion of this saga... 5th GRADE!
To be continued...
Part 1- Accidental Homeschoolers
Part 2 - PreK and K
Part 3- 1st & 2nd Grade
Part 4- 3rd Grade
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
Monday, May 16, 2011
Deciding To Homeschool part 5 "The Public School Years" To Label Or Not To Label
....THAT IS THE QUESTION
When I first started telling my story, I did not realize that it was going to be so long!!!! It has been good for me personally, though, - therapeutic in a way- to get all of this written out. But now, that I have had over half a year to decompress from the stress of the Public School Years, it is almost as if I could just leave the last parts unwritten. Still part of me insists that I cannot truly move forward without completely telling my story as a way of leaving it all behind. Hopefully, I can wrap this up in about two more posts so I can get to blogging about the Homeschooling Journey. :)
Just a little recap, in case you are just joining my story: In the 3rd Grade, I had talked to Padawan’s teacher about my suspicions that he may be on the Autism Spectrum or something similar. He was observed by the school district Psychologist.
At some point around this time- knowing how much our society likes to put labels on people and things, I had asked her about the importance of getting him LABELED. I explained to her that Padawan’s father and I did not need for him to have a label to be able to parent him, but I wondered if getting him LABELED would help with his school problems.
In her explanation, I could tell she was choosing her words carefully, maybe because of legal reasons. I’m not sure. She explained that in the upcoming years the expectations and work load would become increasingly demanding for Padawan. Then she basically told me that “if” Padawan was “diagnosed” with “something” that it “could” “possibly” help the teachers in the future to know how to “handle” or “deal with” or “figure out” the best way to teach Padawan and “handle” his lack of maturity.
- Teachers were always telling me how bright Padawan was, but they would also point out to me just how immature he was too. Since he was an only child and I had no one to compare him with, I took their word for it.
After that discussion, I could tell that that something needed to be done about getting Padawan LABELED if there was any chance of things getting any easier with the whole issue of sending Padawan to school..... and since the plan with the school Psychologist didn’t seem to tell us anything at all, we were seriously considering finding a doctor to evaluate our young Padawan over the course of the summer.
However, I guess the Good Lord had other plans. Due to extenuating circumstances surrounding my disability, my husband being laid off from his job the previous fall, and him suffering with a stuck kidney stone the entire summer (this was because our recent lack of health insurance made his doctor of many years stretch out this very painful situation out of fear he would not get paid), getting Padawan evaluated just didn’t happen. Let’s just say it wasn’t a very good or fun summer for us as a family, but we made the best of it.
Well, time for school came around once again. As usual, we went to orientation and gave the teacher and her co-teacher the low down on Padawan. We explained to them about what what we had observed, what his pediatrician had told us, and about the evaluation from the previous year. We told them that it just so happened that when the evaluation was done, Padawan had been having an unusually good day, so there was not much to report. We also let them know that if at any point during the year they felt it was necessary for us to pursue getting a LABEL for Padawan, we were more than willing to go that route.
To be continued...
Part 1- Accidental Homeschoolers
Part 2 - PreK and K
Part 3- 1st & 2nd Grade
Part 4- 3rd Grade
Part 6- 4th Grade
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Deciding to Homeschool part 4 "The Public School Years" 3rd Grade
3rd Grade...Or Was It High School In Disguise!?! I'm still not sure...
Sidenote: I was previously referring to my dear son as 4-LOM (at his request), but it just doesn't flow off the keyboard very well. From now on I will call him my Padawan. If you're not a Star Wars fan you may not understand.. :)
Once again, summer came. We were able to take 2 family vacations that summer instead of our usual one. One to our usually spot at the beach and another one camping in the mountains. It was an awesome summer and much needed break from school. Padawan added a couple of new foods to his very select diet, and matured emotionally in leaps and bounds..or so it seemed. Something about vacation does that to him.
Well, the dreaded school time came around again. With my previous experience of teaming up with the teachers in hopes of staying one step ahead of Padawan, I had mentally made quite a list of things to discuss with his new teacher at Orientation. My husband and I talked to her about him, and I let her know that I checked my email often throughout the day in case anything came up and that I was certain we would be in touch regularly. She probably thought we were overreacting.
As usual, the first few weeks of school went along fine. I'm sure Padawan was observing his new teacher and taking his own mental notes during this time. Dealing with him is like playing a mental game of chess, and he has already thought 2 or 3 moves ahead of his opponent.
Padawan quickly got bored with all the review and repetitiveness of math. This was causing him to do things like tapping on his desk, making noises, and getting up and wandering around the room during lessons. So, began the emails...
I insisted that we had to team up. I let her know that if she could send daily behavior reports, I could back her up at home with limiting his privileges etc. I realized that he was not her only student, and I certainly didn't want special treatment. But I was trying to help her out. I don't think she took me serious. Days would go by and I would hear nothing about his behavior, then I would get an email dumping all the things he had been doing for weeks.
She also had a day that she just loved. It was called Wednesday Writing! Instead of the usual math homework the other 3 night of the week, Wednesday was SPECIAL! Padawan had to write on a topic of HER chosing..complete with a type of outline that she called a 4-square. YAY ME!!!! (In case you're just joining the saga- my son HATES/refuses to write, has horrible handwriting- and now that I know better... I'm pretty sure he has dysgraphia.)
Now our usual battles over homework have become nearly impossible. Threat of imment doom could not get Padawan to write, or if it did, he would always write the opposite of whatever she assigned.
As if that wasn't enough writing, she also had them working on a 5 paragraph essay every week from 4-square to rough draft, then edited copy, then final copy. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
I emailed her my concerns about the amount of writing that she was assigning. I explained to her that I didn't have to write anything like that until High School. She assured me it was the state standard, and that she never said that the Wednesday homework had to be 5 paragraphs.
I thought to myself, "Geez Louise! These kids just learned to write sentences and paragraphs in the last couple of years, what are they thinking?.."
Once again, Padawan's best friend got the easy teacher. I asked his Mom if they were doing anything like that in writing and she said no, they were just writing sentences with their spelling words most of the time.
I was beginning to think someone out there has it in for me. I was a good student. I was a good daughter. I was good at being good. I was the one everyone at school hated because the teacher used me as an example of the perfect student, and here I am dealing with all of this. It was all foreign to me. I was certain by now that I was paying for my husband's raising.
Well, one day the teacher assigns the topic "Why I Am Proud of Myself". Enter chance for Padawan to strike! He totally took this as the time to really get his teacher's goat. Guess what he wrote.... YEP! Why he was not proud of himself!
Guess what happened next.......
YEP! The counselor was called in without my prior knowledge. I was irate! She went behind my back, knowing that he had written the opposite of her topic every time he wrote. She said she had no choice, because you never know..yada, yada, yada. There went my respect for her too.
Well, Padawan's grades were all over the place this year, depending on whether or not he decided to do his work. He saw no point in doing work that he already knew how to do, and he was afraid to do work that he felt was too hard. And he certainly wasn't going to ask for any help.
Suddenly 1 week before the end of the grading period, I am informed that Padawan has not turned in 3...count them..THREE 5-paragraph essays, a vocabulary dictionary for geometry, and a project on Sea Turtles. They were all due the following Monday because the grading period could not be extended.
Let me tell you, it was not a good thing to be around here that week. I came up with a plan. I tried and tried to get him to work on this a little at a time. I think we got the book and the poster done by Saturday- I use the word "we" loosely here. Then it all came down to the help me, I don't want you to help me, help me battle all day Sunday. He managed to get the papers written through tears. He completed two himself and I typed the final draft of the last one for him. The entire time I am thinking ungodly thoughts toward his teacher who dropped this bomb on me, and cursing myself for being one of those parents that gets too involved in their child's schoolwork. But this little bomb was not ALL his fault!
At some point during the school year Padawan started doing these weird twitching things with his shoulders and waving his fingers in front of his eyes almost constantly some days. My mom was thinking that he had Torrette's Syndrome or something, but Padawan assured me that he started doing it and it became a habit. He told me that he saw that it annoyed me so he kept doing it and now he couldn't stop. He also started washing his hands so frequently that he developed a rash. I see now that it was due to all the stress.
His teacher was also so OVER his behavior by the middle of the year that she was not able to hide her resentment of Padawan. He picked up on that and was less eager to please her than he ever was with anyone.
Padawan had also gotten in trouble in Music class. The music teacher had not really liked him since Kindergarten, because he would not participate in all the FUN group activities. He wouldn't speak up for himself when something bothered him- he would just shut down and appear defiant. By now I had been trying to teach him to either speak up for himself (respectfully) or take his punishment. I didn't know what else to do. So Padawan had to copy the entire music dictionary during recess. Well, he took his time and it took him the rest of the school year. But this did not bother him as much as it did me. He probably liked the alone time. (So much for socialization, if you aren't allowed to have free time with the other kids.)
His teacher sounded so concerned that she couldn't find anything that worked with him consistently and that she was afraid she wasn't getting through to him. I assured her that whether or not Padawan was doing his work, that I knew he was taking it all in and he was learning, and that was all I cared about. I even told her that I would homeschool him just to get him out of their hair but I didn't see how I would get as much work out of him as they did.
Around this time my grand-neice was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. My best friend was also having trouble with one of her teenage sons. I told her about Asperger's Syndrome, and we researched it. A lot of what I read fit her son and my son too! I wondered if this could be what is going on with Padawan.
We mentioned this to his Pediatrician. He said if we had concerns, and that if the main problem was at school, then it was best to go through the school to get help. He was so positive sounding! He told us that the school system had Psychiatrists and Pyschologists that were eager to help and it was all free.(And lions, and tigers, and bears OH MY!)- sorry I had to say that...
(Fast forward to 5th grade and we find out just how WRONG he was).
So here I am thinking this is GREAT! There is help! I talked to his teacher about what I have noticed, and that I suspected that Padawan may be somewhere on the Autism Spectrum- she tells me in scripted-sounding-teacher-legalize that if we have concerns we need to see his doctor. I told her what he had already shared with us and she passed it along to the Assistant Principle. They scheduled the school Psychologist to come out and observe him. And she did, and that was that. I did eventually get a copy of the report.
This school year the Standards were really being stressed- I had not heard them mentioned at all during the previous years. The teachers by now had been so programmed to focus on teaching to these standards. It was becoming annoying that with every assignment and activity she would mention to the kids that "this is a state standard...you will have to know this to go to the next grade".
She even mentioned to them what sections they specifically had to pass to be promoted. Social Studies was not one of them. Some information should not be passed onto the kids.
(The teachers from K on up had also been stressing throughout the school year how difficult the next grade was going to be compared to the one they were in. - None of this was helping my cause at all! I was trying to focus om and get Padawan through the year at hand! Who needed the stress of things to come added on top of it?!? Certainly not me!)
Padawan soaked up all of this about the standardized test, and when time came to take the test, he answered all the questions - except for the section on Social Studies. He answered the first question, decided that his teacher did not teach him the answer to the second one and quit the test.
A week before and the rest of the year after the test was over there was suddenly no more homework and all the fun activities began and so the end of the school year was here at last, and I was contemplating my next move...
To be continued.....
Part 1- Accidental Homeschoolers
Part 2 - PreK and K
Part 3
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
Sidenote: I was previously referring to my dear son as 4-LOM (at his request), but it just doesn't flow off the keyboard very well. From now on I will call him my Padawan. If you're not a Star Wars fan you may not understand.. :)
Once again, summer came. We were able to take 2 family vacations that summer instead of our usual one. One to our usually spot at the beach and another one camping in the mountains. It was an awesome summer and much needed break from school. Padawan added a couple of new foods to his very select diet, and matured emotionally in leaps and bounds..or so it seemed. Something about vacation does that to him.
Well, the dreaded school time came around again. With my previous experience of teaming up with the teachers in hopes of staying one step ahead of Padawan, I had mentally made quite a list of things to discuss with his new teacher at Orientation. My husband and I talked to her about him, and I let her know that I checked my email often throughout the day in case anything came up and that I was certain we would be in touch regularly. She probably thought we were overreacting.
As usual, the first few weeks of school went along fine. I'm sure Padawan was observing his new teacher and taking his own mental notes during this time. Dealing with him is like playing a mental game of chess, and he has already thought 2 or 3 moves ahead of his opponent.
Padawan quickly got bored with all the review and repetitiveness of math. This was causing him to do things like tapping on his desk, making noises, and getting up and wandering around the room during lessons. So, began the emails...
I insisted that we had to team up. I let her know that if she could send daily behavior reports, I could back her up at home with limiting his privileges etc. I realized that he was not her only student, and I certainly didn't want special treatment. But I was trying to help her out. I don't think she took me serious. Days would go by and I would hear nothing about his behavior, then I would get an email dumping all the things he had been doing for weeks.
She also had a day that she just loved. It was called Wednesday Writing! Instead of the usual math homework the other 3 night of the week, Wednesday was SPECIAL! Padawan had to write on a topic of HER chosing..complete with a type of outline that she called a 4-square. YAY ME!!!! (In case you're just joining the saga- my son HATES/refuses to write, has horrible handwriting- and now that I know better... I'm pretty sure he has dysgraphia.)
Now our usual battles over homework have become nearly impossible. Threat of imment doom could not get Padawan to write, or if it did, he would always write the opposite of whatever she assigned.
As if that wasn't enough writing, she also had them working on a 5 paragraph essay every week from 4-square to rough draft, then edited copy, then final copy. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
I emailed her my concerns about the amount of writing that she was assigning. I explained to her that I didn't have to write anything like that until High School. She assured me it was the state standard, and that she never said that the Wednesday homework had to be 5 paragraphs.
I thought to myself, "Geez Louise! These kids just learned to write sentences and paragraphs in the last couple of years, what are they thinking?.."
Once again, Padawan's best friend got the easy teacher. I asked his Mom if they were doing anything like that in writing and she said no, they were just writing sentences with their spelling words most of the time.
I was beginning to think someone out there has it in for me. I was a good student. I was a good daughter. I was good at being good. I was the one everyone at school hated because the teacher used me as an example of the perfect student, and here I am dealing with all of this. It was all foreign to me. I was certain by now that I was paying for my husband's raising.
Well, one day the teacher assigns the topic "Why I Am Proud of Myself". Enter chance for Padawan to strike! He totally took this as the time to really get his teacher's goat. Guess what he wrote.... YEP! Why he was not proud of himself!
Guess what happened next.......
YEP! The counselor was called in without my prior knowledge. I was irate! She went behind my back, knowing that he had written the opposite of her topic every time he wrote. She said she had no choice, because you never know..yada, yada, yada. There went my respect for her too.
Well, Padawan's grades were all over the place this year, depending on whether or not he decided to do his work. He saw no point in doing work that he already knew how to do, and he was afraid to do work that he felt was too hard. And he certainly wasn't going to ask for any help.
Suddenly 1 week before the end of the grading period, I am informed that Padawan has not turned in 3...count them..THREE 5-paragraph essays, a vocabulary dictionary for geometry, and a project on Sea Turtles. They were all due the following Monday because the grading period could not be extended.
Let me tell you, it was not a good thing to be around here that week. I came up with a plan. I tried and tried to get him to work on this a little at a time. I think we got the book and the poster done by Saturday- I use the word "we" loosely here. Then it all came down to the help me, I don't want you to help me, help me battle all day Sunday. He managed to get the papers written through tears. He completed two himself and I typed the final draft of the last one for him. The entire time I am thinking ungodly thoughts toward his teacher who dropped this bomb on me, and cursing myself for being one of those parents that gets too involved in their child's schoolwork. But this little bomb was not ALL his fault!
At some point during the school year Padawan started doing these weird twitching things with his shoulders and waving his fingers in front of his eyes almost constantly some days. My mom was thinking that he had Torrette's Syndrome or something, but Padawan assured me that he started doing it and it became a habit. He told me that he saw that it annoyed me so he kept doing it and now he couldn't stop. He also started washing his hands so frequently that he developed a rash. I see now that it was due to all the stress.
His teacher was also so OVER his behavior by the middle of the year that she was not able to hide her resentment of Padawan. He picked up on that and was less eager to please her than he ever was with anyone.
Padawan had also gotten in trouble in Music class. The music teacher had not really liked him since Kindergarten, because he would not participate in all the FUN group activities. He wouldn't speak up for himself when something bothered him- he would just shut down and appear defiant. By now I had been trying to teach him to either speak up for himself (respectfully) or take his punishment. I didn't know what else to do. So Padawan had to copy the entire music dictionary during recess. Well, he took his time and it took him the rest of the school year. But this did not bother him as much as it did me. He probably liked the alone time. (So much for socialization, if you aren't allowed to have free time with the other kids.)
His teacher sounded so concerned that she couldn't find anything that worked with him consistently and that she was afraid she wasn't getting through to him. I assured her that whether or not Padawan was doing his work, that I knew he was taking it all in and he was learning, and that was all I cared about. I even told her that I would homeschool him just to get him out of their hair but I didn't see how I would get as much work out of him as they did.
Around this time my grand-neice was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. My best friend was also having trouble with one of her teenage sons. I told her about Asperger's Syndrome, and we researched it. A lot of what I read fit her son and my son too! I wondered if this could be what is going on with Padawan.
We mentioned this to his Pediatrician. He said if we had concerns, and that if the main problem was at school, then it was best to go through the school to get help. He was so positive sounding! He told us that the school system had Psychiatrists and Pyschologists that were eager to help and it was all free.(And lions, and tigers, and bears OH MY!)- sorry I had to say that...
(Fast forward to 5th grade and we find out just how WRONG he was).
So here I am thinking this is GREAT! There is help! I talked to his teacher about what I have noticed, and that I suspected that Padawan may be somewhere on the Autism Spectrum- she tells me in scripted-sounding-teacher-legalize that if we have concerns we need to see his doctor. I told her what he had already shared with us and she passed it along to the Assistant Principle. They scheduled the school Psychologist to come out and observe him. And she did, and that was that. I did eventually get a copy of the report.
This school year the Standards were really being stressed- I had not heard them mentioned at all during the previous years. The teachers by now had been so programmed to focus on teaching to these standards. It was becoming annoying that with every assignment and activity she would mention to the kids that "this is a state standard...you will have to know this to go to the next grade".
She even mentioned to them what sections they specifically had to pass to be promoted. Social Studies was not one of them. Some information should not be passed onto the kids.
(The teachers from K on up had also been stressing throughout the school year how difficult the next grade was going to be compared to the one they were in. - None of this was helping my cause at all! I was trying to focus om and get Padawan through the year at hand! Who needed the stress of things to come added on top of it?!? Certainly not me!)
Padawan soaked up all of this about the standardized test, and when time came to take the test, he answered all the questions - except for the section on Social Studies. He answered the first question, decided that his teacher did not teach him the answer to the second one and quit the test.
A week before and the rest of the year after the test was over there was suddenly no more homework and all the fun activities began and so the end of the school year was here at last, and I was contemplating my next move...
To be continued.....
Part 1- Accidental Homeschoolers
Part 2 - PreK and K
Part 3
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Deciding to Homeschool part 3 "The Public School Years" (1st & 2nd grade)
Part 2 left off at the end of Kindergarten....
Well, summer came and went. The first few weeks of school went by without much incidence - I attributed it to my new-found knowledge (from all the parenting books that I had been reading) that 4-Lom was a child who had hypersensitivities, and that he needed advanced notice and preparation for any type of change. So I spent the summer preparing him mentally for all the things I could remember about 1st grade. I mentally prepared him that he would have to ride the bus to and from school this year. During orientation, we met his teacher and WARNED her about his stubborn side, and the fact that he was a little shy and didn't talk to many people. I would have felt guilty dropping my little bombshell on her without giving her advance notice.
His father and I dropped him off in his classroom the first day, and he rode the bus to and from school without any protest the entire year. He actually got up the courage to talk to his teacher on the first day of school too!
He had a WONDERFUL first grade teacher. She was so patient and kind. She really took time to get to know him and his quirkiness didn't get to her too often.
Even so, it was no pic-nic. After he got used to his teacher, he let what we called his "stubborn" side show from time to time. Once, he spent 2 days in the principle's office doing his work because he had a meltdown during class one afternoon and refused to do his work. (By now I've forgotten what set off his meltdown, but it seems like it was something as simple as the teacher changing his seat. But he would not tell anyone what was wrong).
He really didn't "get it" that going to the principle's office was a BAD thing. It didn't seem to stress him out at all. It was just part of school to him. In fact, he sat there and did his work with no trouble. (I would have broken down in tears and surely had to be sent home if I ever got called to the principle's office when I was in school.) Somewhere deep down I felt this was odd, but didn't put too much thought into WHY.
Oh yeah, now we had HOMEWORK too! It was just a little math everyday...and that's where the afternoon battles began at home. It would take me all of 3 hours some days just to get him to put pencil to paper. He would ignore the lines, start goofing off by writing HUGE numbers or letters on the page. I would erase it and make him do it over. He was very good at mental math, but with this homework he would cry and tell me it was too hard, but he didn't want me to help him. I would leave the room and he would follow me to get me to help him, but then he wouldn't let me help. I began to wonder what kind of miracle worker his teacher was for getting any work out of him at all during school. She must have had some pretty nifty tricks up her sleeve.
After about 3 weeks of this I gave up. I knew he was learning math- even if he wasn't showing it on paper. I became content if he wrote anything just to have something to turn in. That's not how I pictured all this would be. I began counting down the days until the weekend..the next break..the end of the year...how many more years of this I had to endure.
Homeschool probably crossed my mind during this time, but I was certain one of us would not survive the experience if this is how schoolwork was with my child.
Well, we survived first grade, and he actually made the A/B honor roll. They closed the SST file because they felt he was talking "enough" to "enough" people by now. 4-Lom was still eating lunch, he had one close friend and a couple other kids he would talk to.
And it was all good, because that's the way it was supposed to be. Right?
The school where he went allows parents to fill out Student Characteristic forms to help place them with an appropriate teacher the next year. I decided to fill one out to help our chances of having a 'normal" year. I had written that he needed a patient, understanding teacher...blah, blah,...you know, basically someone like his own mother and the qualities I "thought" his first grade teacher had- you know someone who would understand and nurture him. BIG MISTAKE!
His poor second grade teacher didn't stand a chance with him. I'm sure she was counting the days til he was out of her class. She couldn't get him to do much of anything, and didn't have a clue what to do about it. I felt so sorry for her by the end of the year. We "teamed" up on 4-Lom by keeping in touch by email the best we could so he wouldn't outsmart either one of us - but he did anyway.
As the year progressed he was showing his "stubborn" side more and more.
That's when I started listening to Dr. Phil. You know- if your child is not doing what he is supposed to do, you need to "find his currency" and ROCK THEIR WORLD! Well, I ROCKED HIS WORLD alright! His currency was his toys- all his COLLECTIONS of toys.
It broke my heart, but I packed up every toy that I could and took it outside to storage. I allowed him to keep his books, and warned him that if he so much as touched any of the toys that I couldn't pack away that they would be gone forever. (Instead of reading his books, he built with them.)
Well, that got his attention. The next few days or so he had a BIG attitude change....until something at school didn't sit right with him and he refused to do ____.
(Oh, how I wish I would have known about Autism then..looking back I would have done a lot of things differently.)
I did let him earn his toys back throughout the year a few at a time for cooperating, but it still wasn't helping that much with the school/homework problem. Not only that, he ended up with the teacher who assigned the class to write sentences with all 20 spelling words each week AND put them in alphabetical order.. (his friend's class had to write 5 sentences.) My child HATES to write, has horrible handwriting and he ended up with the teacher who requires the most writing. You couldn't read nearly a word he wrote, but after about 3 hours of battles and tears he had something to turn in- my (revised) goal of getting him to do his homework was accomplished. The rest of the battle was hers if she wanted to read it!
This could NOT be happening! I didn't want to be the type of parent who let her kid get away with being slack on his schoolwork, but I couldn't find the logic or wisdom in spending what precious time we had together each afternoon battling over homework either. Other people send their children to school and live happily ever after. I was thinking "God, this is not funny! What am I doing wrong?"
(I wish I would have known about a handwriting disability called Dysgraphia back then too)
By this time I'm checking to see how old my precious child has to be to go to boarding school. (Not that I would send him, but some days it seemed like a good idea). The only other option was homeschool, but NO WAY - one of us would surely die! (Not really- but you get the point).
I realized I needed to get him prayed over at church, anoint him and pray over him while he was sleeping, and read more parenting books, watch more Dr. Phil, AND Nanny 911. They seem to have it all under control.
Well, somehow we survived 2nd grade and summer was finally here!
He still was on the A/B honor roll...this teacher must have been another miracle worker. Don't get me wrong..it wasn't all bad...not for 4-Lom anyway...as far as me that was another story! He had some good times, talked to a few of the other kids on the playground, and occasionally to his teacher. He still had the same friend he made in Kindergarden too. But he was learning that a lot of other kids liked to make fun of him because he was different, made scenes when he got overwhelmed, and didn't talk to hardly anyone.
And 4-Lom had taught me EVERY detail of everything there was to know know about Hot Wheels, Monster Trucks, Dinosaurs, Pirates, Transformers and many other things that he was interested in.
I was not looking forward to 3rd grade one bit! And now I'm counting again...only 9 more years to go til we are done with this school thing..... But this is the way it HAS to be. Right?
.........
You know--- God speaks in a still small voice, and I DO hear Him; however, I don't trust myself to know that it really is Him most of the time....so He usually has to let my life circumstances YELL at me until I listen and say to myself - "Oh, that WAS God!"
Yeah, yeah, call me a slow learner, but I finally "GOT IT" LOUD AND CLEAR and started homeschooling...
It only took me 2 1/2 more school years of God letting my life circumstances YELL at me ..so if you want to get to the actual day God got through to me, you'll have to wait for the chapter on 5th grade....but we still have to get through 3rd (there was a LOT of Spiritual YELLING going on that year!) and 4th Grade.
To be continued....
In case you missed parts 1 and 2
Part 1- Accidental Homeschoolers
Part 2 - PreK and K
Part 4- 3rd Grade
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
Well, summer came and went. The first few weeks of school went by without much incidence - I attributed it to my new-found knowledge (from all the parenting books that I had been reading) that 4-Lom was a child who had hypersensitivities, and that he needed advanced notice and preparation for any type of change. So I spent the summer preparing him mentally for all the things I could remember about 1st grade. I mentally prepared him that he would have to ride the bus to and from school this year. During orientation, we met his teacher and WARNED her about his stubborn side, and the fact that he was a little shy and didn't talk to many people. I would have felt guilty dropping my little bombshell on her without giving her advance notice.
His father and I dropped him off in his classroom the first day, and he rode the bus to and from school without any protest the entire year. He actually got up the courage to talk to his teacher on the first day of school too!
He had a WONDERFUL first grade teacher. She was so patient and kind. She really took time to get to know him and his quirkiness didn't get to her too often.
Even so, it was no pic-nic. After he got used to his teacher, he let what we called his "stubborn" side show from time to time. Once, he spent 2 days in the principle's office doing his work because he had a meltdown during class one afternoon and refused to do his work. (By now I've forgotten what set off his meltdown, but it seems like it was something as simple as the teacher changing his seat. But he would not tell anyone what was wrong).
He really didn't "get it" that going to the principle's office was a BAD thing. It didn't seem to stress him out at all. It was just part of school to him. In fact, he sat there and did his work with no trouble. (I would have broken down in tears and surely had to be sent home if I ever got called to the principle's office when I was in school.) Somewhere deep down I felt this was odd, but didn't put too much thought into WHY.
Oh yeah, now we had HOMEWORK too! It was just a little math everyday...and that's where the afternoon battles began at home. It would take me all of 3 hours some days just to get him to put pencil to paper. He would ignore the lines, start goofing off by writing HUGE numbers or letters on the page. I would erase it and make him do it over. He was very good at mental math, but with this homework he would cry and tell me it was too hard, but he didn't want me to help him. I would leave the room and he would follow me to get me to help him, but then he wouldn't let me help. I began to wonder what kind of miracle worker his teacher was for getting any work out of him at all during school. She must have had some pretty nifty tricks up her sleeve.
After about 3 weeks of this I gave up. I knew he was learning math- even if he wasn't showing it on paper. I became content if he wrote anything just to have something to turn in. That's not how I pictured all this would be. I began counting down the days until the weekend..the next break..the end of the year...how many more years of this I had to endure.
Homeschool probably crossed my mind during this time, but I was certain one of us would not survive the experience if this is how schoolwork was with my child.
Well, we survived first grade, and he actually made the A/B honor roll. They closed the SST file because they felt he was talking "enough" to "enough" people by now. 4-Lom was still eating lunch, he had one close friend and a couple other kids he would talk to.
And it was all good, because that's the way it was supposed to be. Right?
The school where he went allows parents to fill out Student Characteristic forms to help place them with an appropriate teacher the next year. I decided to fill one out to help our chances of having a 'normal" year. I had written that he needed a patient, understanding teacher...blah, blah,...you know, basically someone like his own mother and the qualities I "thought" his first grade teacher had- you know someone who would understand and nurture him. BIG MISTAKE!
His poor second grade teacher didn't stand a chance with him. I'm sure she was counting the days til he was out of her class. She couldn't get him to do much of anything, and didn't have a clue what to do about it. I felt so sorry for her by the end of the year. We "teamed" up on 4-Lom by keeping in touch by email the best we could so he wouldn't outsmart either one of us - but he did anyway.
As the year progressed he was showing his "stubborn" side more and more.
That's when I started listening to Dr. Phil. You know- if your child is not doing what he is supposed to do, you need to "find his currency" and ROCK THEIR WORLD! Well, I ROCKED HIS WORLD alright! His currency was his toys- all his COLLECTIONS of toys.
It broke my heart, but I packed up every toy that I could and took it outside to storage. I allowed him to keep his books, and warned him that if he so much as touched any of the toys that I couldn't pack away that they would be gone forever. (Instead of reading his books, he built with them.)
Well, that got his attention. The next few days or so he had a BIG attitude change....until something at school didn't sit right with him and he refused to do ____.
(Oh, how I wish I would have known about Autism then..looking back I would have done a lot of things differently.)
I did let him earn his toys back throughout the year a few at a time for cooperating, but it still wasn't helping that much with the school/homework problem. Not only that, he ended up with the teacher who assigned the class to write sentences with all 20 spelling words each week AND put them in alphabetical order.. (his friend's class had to write 5 sentences.) My child HATES to write, has horrible handwriting and he ended up with the teacher who requires the most writing. You couldn't read nearly a word he wrote, but after about 3 hours of battles and tears he had something to turn in- my (revised) goal of getting him to do his homework was accomplished. The rest of the battle was hers if she wanted to read it!
This could NOT be happening! I didn't want to be the type of parent who let her kid get away with being slack on his schoolwork, but I couldn't find the logic or wisdom in spending what precious time we had together each afternoon battling over homework either. Other people send their children to school and live happily ever after. I was thinking "God, this is not funny! What am I doing wrong?"
(I wish I would have known about a handwriting disability called Dysgraphia back then too)
By this time I'm checking to see how old my precious child has to be to go to boarding school. (Not that I would send him, but some days it seemed like a good idea). The only other option was homeschool, but NO WAY - one of us would surely die! (Not really- but you get the point).
I realized I needed to get him prayed over at church, anoint him and pray over him while he was sleeping, and read more parenting books, watch more Dr. Phil, AND Nanny 911. They seem to have it all under control.
Well, somehow we survived 2nd grade and summer was finally here!
He still was on the A/B honor roll...this teacher must have been another miracle worker. Don't get me wrong..it wasn't all bad...not for 4-Lom anyway...as far as me that was another story! He had some good times, talked to a few of the other kids on the playground, and occasionally to his teacher. He still had the same friend he made in Kindergarden too. But he was learning that a lot of other kids liked to make fun of him because he was different, made scenes when he got overwhelmed, and didn't talk to hardly anyone.
And 4-Lom had taught me EVERY detail of everything there was to know know about Hot Wheels, Monster Trucks, Dinosaurs, Pirates, Transformers and many other things that he was interested in.
I was not looking forward to 3rd grade one bit! And now I'm counting again...only 9 more years to go til we are done with this school thing..... But this is the way it HAS to be. Right?
.........
You know--- God speaks in a still small voice, and I DO hear Him; however, I don't trust myself to know that it really is Him most of the time....so He usually has to let my life circumstances YELL at me until I listen and say to myself - "Oh, that WAS God!"
Yeah, yeah, call me a slow learner, but I finally "GOT IT" LOUD AND CLEAR and started homeschooling...
It only took me 2 1/2 more school years of God letting my life circumstances YELL at me ..so if you want to get to the actual day God got through to me, you'll have to wait for the chapter on 5th grade....but we still have to get through 3rd (there was a LOT of Spiritual YELLING going on that year!) and 4th Grade.
To be continued....
In case you missed parts 1 and 2
Part 1- Accidental Homeschoolers
Part 2 - PreK and K
Part 4- 3rd Grade
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Deciding to Homeschool part 2 "The Public School Years" (Pre-K and K)
Pre-K and Kindergarten
I really debated for a long time about starting him in Pre-K. He already knew how to count, how to add and subtract, how to read sight words, all of his colors and shapes, how to write his name, and everything there was to know about Hot Wheels.
He had quite a collection of Hot Wheels by now and could spot a fake from across the room!
My baby seemed awfully young to send out to fend for himself in the real world. But, I finally came to the conclusion that he may be at a disadvantage socially if we waited another year and sent him straight to Kindergarten. I assumed the majority of the kids there would have been in daycare since their very young years and also would have completed Pre-K. His Dad and I figured that he needed to "learn the ropes" about how to be in a school environment before starting Kindergarten- because that was when the serious schooling would start.
Well, I did it. I signed him up for Pre-K at a daycare center that was about 5 minutes away from where I worked and even closer my parent's house. Which meant that on my day off I would have to drive 30 minutes each way to take him to school and pick him up. But that was way better than knowing my precious child was 30 minutes away from any of us the other 4 days a week.
(For the sake of anonymity, I'll call him 4-LOM from here on out because he is a HUGE Star Wars fan. I originally wanted to refer to him as Luke- but that wasn't COOL enough- he wanted to be known by a Bounty Hunter's name. The name is appropriate though- considering 4-LOM overrode his original programming.)
I would take 4-LOM to school everyday and walk him to his room in the back of the daycare center. I would stay just long enough to finish a worksheet with him or to play with one of the before school activities and then head off to work. By the end of the school year he would let me leave without trying to follow me or having to be distracted.
Well, 4-LOM did not like school- he did not like the fact that there were kids there; he did not like the fact that they had to take a nap; he did not like having to sit on the floor during circle time- in fact most days he tried to sit in the teachers seat during circle time. When lunch time came around, he would not eat. On the playground he would usually find a spot by himself and play in the sand under a shade tree. Most of all 4-LOM would not talk to anyone.
For what seemed like an eternity he would come home from school and have major meltdowns for about an hour from the stress of going to school.
This was all making me sad.
Its not like he had never been around other kids before, because we had been taking him to church every week since he was in the womb. He didn't really talk or play with other kids at church either. But at first I attributed this mostly to the fact that his dad, being a very large kid himself and this being our only child, would usually stay in the Nursery with him or Sunday School when he was a little older. I on the other hand, because I was certain his Dad was having a little separation anxiety as much as 4-LOM was, would try to do the drop and run thing - because I wanted him to learn it was ok to be away from us.
Anyway, all of this concerned us. We talked to his pediatrician about all of this. He assured us that if 4-LOM was talking at home he would surely grow out of his "shyness". And 4-LOM certainly did talk at home - to certain people. He had a very large vocabulary.
Despite all the social issues going on with what we thought was him adjusting to being in school, 4-LOM was learning new things that Pre-K kids learn- but most of the things he already knew. And it was all good, because that is how it was supposed to be. Right?
That fall it was time for Kindergarten. I drove 4-LOM to school everyday and walked him to his class. I would stay just a few minutes and he would tell me good-bye and everything was fine. I would leave work in enough time to pick him up in the car rider line.
Well, 4-LOM still wouldn't talk to anyone at school. A lot of the other kids made fun of him because he was different. He did make one friend though. My little boy had a friend!!! I was so excited.
I packed his lunch everyday, and he was eating at school too! And the teacher assured me that he was interacting with other kids on the playground.
My little boy was maturing! (sniff, sniff).
His teacher suggested that he may have an anxiety condition called Selective Mutism..again his pediatrician assured us if he was talking at home then he would grow out of it. And boy did he talk at home! Now, I was learning everything there was to know about Hot Wheels AND Dinosaurs from my little boy.
Well, 4-LOM settled into the routine of Kindergarten for the first few weeks, then he began showing his teacher his STUBBORN side. He would refuse to sit in circle time, crumple up worksheets that were given to him, and wander around the room at different times during the day.
"NO!", I thought. This is not supposed to be this way- you see I was a PERFECT student. My child cannot be doing these things.
Well, we gave him a good "talking to" and did all the disciplinary things that "good parents" do.
I came to the conclusion that 4-LOM was afraid of failing at certain things therefore he would not try and that also, if he already knew how to do something then he decided that he was not going to do the busy work.
She suggested starting a Student Support Team so we would have a whole TEAM of intelligent adults to try to figure out ways to get Luke to talk and do all the other things that typical students do. So we did...and all of us together outsmarted him just enough to get him to talk to his teacher- sometimes...
Sometime around January of that year, I was beginning to get all kinds of reports. 4-LOM refused to do _____ (fill in the blank) today in such and such class. I even had the music teacher come out to meet me in the car rider line one day because he refused to participate in something in her class.
All this from a Kindergartner....by this point in the school year, I had come to the realization that it was going to be a very long school career with this precious child of mine!
Some teachers really don't see all the humor in these sort of things. And I am sure if I was dealing with a bunch of kids all day, I, too, would feel the same way. But I had learned years ago that you cannot "make" 4-LOM do anything that he doesn't want to do, and you had to keep on you toes if you even wanted a chance of staying one step ahead of him. And if I couldn't see some humor in raising this child, I don't know what I would have done. After all, I choose to think of things from an eternal perspective. One day he will be grown and all this will be a memory. AND I am only human and can only do my best.
This began my hobby of necessity of reading all kinds of parenting books- especially the ones about strong willed children.
Well, February came around, and that's when my illness started..(that's in itself is a long story for another time)
Anyway, because of my new-found illness, I had to quit my job and quit driving. Well, actually I took a leave of absence from my job - just until I got better...that never happened.
But back to this story.
Now I had to get 4-LOM to ride the bus! He would only agree to be brave enough to ride the bus home from school- not in the mornings.
Mornings were already difficult because getting him ready for school began with 30 minutes of trying to wake the dead, followed by "my breakfast tastes funny, my pants are too tight, this shirt is itchy, my socks have lumps in them, my glasses have a spot on them, and "Mom- you did ____ in the wrong order! You know breakfast comes before getting dressed, but after I watch "x" cartoon." I was too busy trying to get him out the door on time to even notice there was an order!
God forbid if we ran out of the thing he had been eating for breakfast since the first week of Pre-K. Once they changed the flavor ever so slightly- it through the whole morning out of whack because we couldn't move on to the next step without having breakfast.
(Now most of you would think that this is just a spoiled child, I know I did...and I'll be the first to admit that he is spoiled... but it only took me 2 more years to suspect a pattern to a lot of his behaviors... all signs were beginning to point to something on the Austism spectrum, but first I would have to learn about Austism to realize this..)
So anyway, my dear mother-in-law would come over every morning for the rest of the school year to drive me and 4-LOM to school, and I would do my best to walk him to class. But that was too much for me now, so he became brave enough to be dropped off in the car rider line.
Well the end of the school year finally came around and we both survived it. 4-LOM had learned all the things that Kindergartners learn- a lot of which he already knew. But more importantly he had made one friend, was eating lunch, and would talk to his teacher- sometimes...
And everything was good, because that's how it was supposed to be...right?
To be continued....
In case you missed part 1- Accidental Homeschoolers
Part 3- 1st & 2nd Grade
Part 4- 3rd Grade
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
I really debated for a long time about starting him in Pre-K. He already knew how to count, how to add and subtract, how to read sight words, all of his colors and shapes, how to write his name, and everything there was to know about Hot Wheels.
He had quite a collection of Hot Wheels by now and could spot a fake from across the room!
My baby seemed awfully young to send out to fend for himself in the real world. But, I finally came to the conclusion that he may be at a disadvantage socially if we waited another year and sent him straight to Kindergarten. I assumed the majority of the kids there would have been in daycare since their very young years and also would have completed Pre-K. His Dad and I figured that he needed to "learn the ropes" about how to be in a school environment before starting Kindergarten- because that was when the serious schooling would start.
Well, I did it. I signed him up for Pre-K at a daycare center that was about 5 minutes away from where I worked and even closer my parent's house. Which meant that on my day off I would have to drive 30 minutes each way to take him to school and pick him up. But that was way better than knowing my precious child was 30 minutes away from any of us the other 4 days a week.
(For the sake of anonymity, I'll call him 4-LOM from here on out because he is a HUGE Star Wars fan. I originally wanted to refer to him as Luke- but that wasn't COOL enough- he wanted to be known by a Bounty Hunter's name. The name is appropriate though- considering 4-LOM overrode his original programming.)
I would take 4-LOM to school everyday and walk him to his room in the back of the daycare center. I would stay just long enough to finish a worksheet with him or to play with one of the before school activities and then head off to work. By the end of the school year he would let me leave without trying to follow me or having to be distracted.
Well, 4-LOM did not like school- he did not like the fact that there were kids there; he did not like the fact that they had to take a nap; he did not like having to sit on the floor during circle time- in fact most days he tried to sit in the teachers seat during circle time. When lunch time came around, he would not eat. On the playground he would usually find a spot by himself and play in the sand under a shade tree. Most of all 4-LOM would not talk to anyone.
For what seemed like an eternity he would come home from school and have major meltdowns for about an hour from the stress of going to school.
This was all making me sad.
Its not like he had never been around other kids before, because we had been taking him to church every week since he was in the womb. He didn't really talk or play with other kids at church either. But at first I attributed this mostly to the fact that his dad, being a very large kid himself and this being our only child, would usually stay in the Nursery with him or Sunday School when he was a little older. I on the other hand, because I was certain his Dad was having a little separation anxiety as much as 4-LOM was, would try to do the drop and run thing - because I wanted him to learn it was ok to be away from us.
Anyway, all of this concerned us. We talked to his pediatrician about all of this. He assured us that if 4-LOM was talking at home he would surely grow out of his "shyness". And 4-LOM certainly did talk at home - to certain people. He had a very large vocabulary.
Despite all the social issues going on with what we thought was him adjusting to being in school, 4-LOM was learning new things that Pre-K kids learn- but most of the things he already knew. And it was all good, because that is how it was supposed to be. Right?
That fall it was time for Kindergarten. I drove 4-LOM to school everyday and walked him to his class. I would stay just a few minutes and he would tell me good-bye and everything was fine. I would leave work in enough time to pick him up in the car rider line.
Well, 4-LOM still wouldn't talk to anyone at school. A lot of the other kids made fun of him because he was different. He did make one friend though. My little boy had a friend!!! I was so excited.
I packed his lunch everyday, and he was eating at school too! And the teacher assured me that he was interacting with other kids on the playground.
My little boy was maturing! (sniff, sniff).
His teacher suggested that he may have an anxiety condition called Selective Mutism..again his pediatrician assured us if he was talking at home then he would grow out of it. And boy did he talk at home! Now, I was learning everything there was to know about Hot Wheels AND Dinosaurs from my little boy.
Well, 4-LOM settled into the routine of Kindergarten for the first few weeks, then he began showing his teacher his STUBBORN side. He would refuse to sit in circle time, crumple up worksheets that were given to him, and wander around the room at different times during the day.
"NO!", I thought. This is not supposed to be this way- you see I was a PERFECT student. My child cannot be doing these things.
Well, we gave him a good "talking to" and did all the disciplinary things that "good parents" do.
I came to the conclusion that 4-LOM was afraid of failing at certain things therefore he would not try and that also, if he already knew how to do something then he decided that he was not going to do the busy work.
She suggested starting a Student Support Team so we would have a whole TEAM of intelligent adults to try to figure out ways to get Luke to talk and do all the other things that typical students do. So we did...and all of us together outsmarted him just enough to get him to talk to his teacher- sometimes...
Sometime around January of that year, I was beginning to get all kinds of reports. 4-LOM refused to do _____ (fill in the blank) today in such and such class. I even had the music teacher come out to meet me in the car rider line one day because he refused to participate in something in her class.
All this from a Kindergartner....by this point in the school year, I had come to the realization that it was going to be a very long school career with this precious child of mine!
Some teachers really don't see all the humor in these sort of things. And I am sure if I was dealing with a bunch of kids all day, I, too, would feel the same way. But I had learned years ago that you cannot "make" 4-LOM do anything that he doesn't want to do, and you had to keep on you toes if you even wanted a chance of staying one step ahead of him. And if I couldn't see some humor in raising this child, I don't know what I would have done. After all, I choose to think of things from an eternal perspective. One day he will be grown and all this will be a memory. AND I am only human and can only do my best.
This began my hobby of necessity of reading all kinds of parenting books- especially the ones about strong willed children.
Well, February came around, and that's when my illness started..(that's in itself is a long story for another time)
Anyway, because of my new-found illness, I had to quit my job and quit driving. Well, actually I took a leave of absence from my job - just until I got better...that never happened.
But back to this story.
Now I had to get 4-LOM to ride the bus! He would only agree to be brave enough to ride the bus home from school- not in the mornings.
Mornings were already difficult because getting him ready for school began with 30 minutes of trying to wake the dead, followed by "my breakfast tastes funny, my pants are too tight, this shirt is itchy, my socks have lumps in them, my glasses have a spot on them, and "Mom- you did ____ in the wrong order! You know breakfast comes before getting dressed, but after I watch "x" cartoon." I was too busy trying to get him out the door on time to even notice there was an order!
God forbid if we ran out of the thing he had been eating for breakfast since the first week of Pre-K. Once they changed the flavor ever so slightly- it through the whole morning out of whack because we couldn't move on to the next step without having breakfast.
(Now most of you would think that this is just a spoiled child, I know I did...and I'll be the first to admit that he is spoiled... but it only took me 2 more years to suspect a pattern to a lot of his behaviors... all signs were beginning to point to something on the Austism spectrum, but first I would have to learn about Austism to realize this..)
So anyway, my dear mother-in-law would come over every morning for the rest of the school year to drive me and 4-LOM to school, and I would do my best to walk him to class. But that was too much for me now, so he became brave enough to be dropped off in the car rider line.
Well the end of the school year finally came around and we both survived it. 4-LOM had learned all the things that Kindergartners learn- a lot of which he already knew. But more importantly he had made one friend, was eating lunch, and would talk to his teacher- sometimes...
And everything was good, because that's how it was supposed to be...right?
To be continued....
In case you missed part 1- Accidental Homeschoolers
Part 3- 1st & 2nd Grade
Part 4- 3rd Grade
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Deciding to Homeschool part 1 "A Strong Willed Child Is Born"
My son and I have recently become what the Homeschooling community calls Accidental Homeschoolers.
Accidental Homeschoolers are typically families who had not planned to homeschool. Many of these families had children in school but found that it was not working out and as they ran out of traditional school options, started homeschooling.
Not working out...now that has become an understatement in our situation!
Before I get into the thought process of my decision to homeschool, I think I should give a little background on the subject...
Shortly after the turn of this new century I gave birth to a beautiful bouncing 8.8lb boy. He was so healthy and PERFECT in every way.... then we brought him home from the hospital!
It only took a couple of days to realize I had given birth to one of the MOST STUBBORN and INDEPENDENT human beings that had ever been born! I should have known something was up when he "decided" to stay in the womb up until the very day they were going to kick him out through "induced labor".
I am not exaggerating when I tell you he was holding his head up, looking around the morning after he was born. The nurse at the hospital was amazed!
At a few days old he would struggle like he wanted to leap out of my arms and take off walking. I would laugh and tell him he was a newborn and that newborns could not do that!
In fact, he has always acted and talked like he is a little grown up stuck in a child's body.
Now, he may be my first and only child, but he was definitely not the first baby or child I had ever cared for. I had a LOT of previous experience through babysitting as a teen and as an adult. I also had a hand in raising a few nieces and nephews, and teaching children at church during the 12 years my husband and I had been trying to conceive. I'm not trying to sound conceited here, but my husband and I were great with children and they loved us. Having a child of our very own would be a piece of cake..or so I thought!
Little did I know that The Good Lord had decided to give us a child like no other we (and many others) had ever experienced!
Our little bundle of joy, grew, and learned, and grew some more. Each step of the way asserting his independence in the learning process. Teaching him anything would become a challenge because he wanted to learn it HIMSELF! Oh, he would learn things from us, but the second he suspected he was being taught- the shields went up and the resistance began.
(Among other things he has taught himself to swim, ride his bike, ride an electric scooter, play video games, and use the computer.)
Well, time flew by and one day before we knew it, our precious little bundle of joy was old enough to go to school. We debated about whether or not to put him in Pre-K. I had also entertained the idea of homeschool, but decided it would be best for him to be around other kids in addition to the kids at our church. (Since I worked part-time, and my parents had been watching him during my working hours.) I also had decided that just maybe he would let someone besides us teach him things. It turns out he did..mostly...
To Be Continued....
Part 2 - PreK and K
Part 3- 1st & 2nd Grade
Part 4- 3rd Grade
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
Part 7- 5th Grade - The Dramatic Conclusion
Accidental Homeschoolers are typically families who had not planned to homeschool. Many of these families had children in school but found that it was not working out and as they ran out of traditional school options, started homeschooling.
Not working out...now that has become an understatement in our situation!
Before I get into the thought process of my decision to homeschool, I think I should give a little background on the subject...
Shortly after the turn of this new century I gave birth to a beautiful bouncing 8.8lb boy. He was so healthy and PERFECT in every way.... then we brought him home from the hospital!
It only took a couple of days to realize I had given birth to one of the MOST STUBBORN and INDEPENDENT human beings that had ever been born! I should have known something was up when he "decided" to stay in the womb up until the very day they were going to kick him out through "induced labor".
I am not exaggerating when I tell you he was holding his head up, looking around the morning after he was born. The nurse at the hospital was amazed!
At a few days old he would struggle like he wanted to leap out of my arms and take off walking. I would laugh and tell him he was a newborn and that newborns could not do that!
In fact, he has always acted and talked like he is a little grown up stuck in a child's body.
Now, he may be my first and only child, but he was definitely not the first baby or child I had ever cared for. I had a LOT of previous experience through babysitting as a teen and as an adult. I also had a hand in raising a few nieces and nephews, and teaching children at church during the 12 years my husband and I had been trying to conceive. I'm not trying to sound conceited here, but my husband and I were great with children and they loved us. Having a child of our very own would be a piece of cake..or so I thought!
Little did I know that The Good Lord had decided to give us a child like no other we (and many others) had ever experienced!
Our little bundle of joy, grew, and learned, and grew some more. Each step of the way asserting his independence in the learning process. Teaching him anything would become a challenge because he wanted to learn it HIMSELF! Oh, he would learn things from us, but the second he suspected he was being taught- the shields went up and the resistance began.
(Among other things he has taught himself to swim, ride his bike, ride an electric scooter, play video games, and use the computer.)
Well, time flew by and one day before we knew it, our precious little bundle of joy was old enough to go to school. We debated about whether or not to put him in Pre-K. I had also entertained the idea of homeschool, but decided it would be best for him to be around other kids in addition to the kids at our church. (Since I worked part-time, and my parents had been watching him during my working hours.) I also had decided that just maybe he would let someone besides us teach him things. It turns out he did..mostly...
To Be Continued....
Part 2 - PreK and K
Part 3- 1st & 2nd Grade
Part 4- 3rd Grade
Part 5
Part 6- 4th Grade
Part 7- 5th Grade - The Dramatic Conclusion
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