Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Looking for Some Self Confidence

Update on the income situation: My husband was hired with a company a week or so ago. He's done the preliminary paperwork, and orientation is scheduled for next week. Hopefully all that will go well, and he will be working the week after that. Is it too soon to say YAY??

In other news:

I have some experience building websites and dabble in graphic design, brochures, business cards, etc. Well, I used to. At one time I was really into "the zone". The past 2 or 3 years...not so much. (Besides what little I've done to this blog).

It all started out when I got my hands on a computer with a program called Print Shop. This was before the internet took off, so there wasn't much else I was interested in doing on the computer.

I designed things as a hobby all.the.time.

I learned how to copy just about any graphic I saw. I even made a fake gift certificate to a local Mexican Restaurant as a gag gift for one of my supervisor's Christmas present. Don't worry..she didn't try to use it. She hated Mexican food, so my co-workers and I came up with the idea to see how she would react when she opened it. (Yeah, we were mean like that). Sometimes I miss those days.

A few years later, one of my new supervisors at the place I worked at built websites in addition to being a Veterinarian. I was fascinated at all the things he could do. So, I started figuring out how that was done.

I had the idea to build a website for our church. I did a pretty decent job and learned mostly by trial and error. I liked the process, so during that time I took two 6 week online courses through a local college. I earned a Certificate (Continuing Ed) for Web Design (HTML) and Intermediate Web Design. Besides that I have no "real" college experience.

The person who was building the website for the place I worked at moved on in life in the middle of the project. Since Web Design was my newly found passion,I asked my boss to let me take over. I showed him what I had done with the church website and he was impressed. I finished the website and he was pleased.

My boss's wife owned and ran a Wedding Chapel. She had seen my work too, and asked me to redesign her brochures. She also recommended me to her caterer's who wanted a website. I ended up building a website for their business and they were pleased.

The whole time I was designing and getting paid for it, I was excited and nervous at the same time. I had this overwhelming feeling that I was in over my head, but I knew had more knowledge about what I was doing than the people I was doing the work for; so that helped. Also, the fact that they were impressed with my work helped too. But I still didn't have any confidence in my work, because I didn't have the proper training and credentials to be a real designer to back me up. I felt like I was going to be "found out" any moment when someone asked me to do something I wouldn't be able to handle.

Shortly after, things got really busy in my life and then my world came crashing down when my neurological symptoms started appearing and affecting my daily life. I kept up with the updates on the church website and the other website for a while, then lost interest and let it fizzle out.

Since then, the only designing I have done is a gift certificate for a local Hair Salon for a church member, and a brochure for my ex-bff, who was going to school to be a Massage Therapist. Oh, yeah. I also sold a few banner graphics on e-bay during that time.

So, I haven't been in "the zone" for a while, and my creative juices haven't been flowing too often. Honestly, I have slightly lost my passion.

Well, recently I was reading a book about ways to make money. And money is one thing that would be REALLY useful right about now. The book mentioned a site called Guru.com. It is a website that matches freelancers with employers.

I set up an account last night and briefly looked over the job postings. I saw one for a part time job (2 hours a day/3 days a week) working with the owner of a web design company updating Wordpress blogs and similar things. The job was even offered as an intern position for someone less experienced. That would be me! It is something I'm pretty sure I could do (even though I am rusty).

Not expecting to hear anything back, and (secretly hoping) I got turned down to avoid that feeling of being in over my head in a sea of "professional" and "credentialed" designers if I got accepted, I sort of applied for the intern position. I hadn't had time to set up a portfolio or anything, so I pointed her in the direction of 2 of the websites I built that are still up.

Well, this morning, I received an email from this person. She explained that she had already chosen someone, but would LOVE to work with me if things picked up possibly in the next month or two. :uh-oh:

I AM really excited that someone liked my work enough to bother responding to a spur of the moment application!

But also:

I'm scared.
And I feel like I'm in over my head.
And I would be terrified if she really did ask me to work for her.
I don't know how to have confidence in my abilities when I know that I'm just faking it til I make it, so to speak.


  1. First of all, congratulations on the call back. Sometimes other people see things in us that we can't see in ourselves. Maybe you could reframe your thoughts to, "Well, if this professional has this kind of faith in me, maybe I really do have some marketable skills!"

    And really, we're ALL making it up as we go along. And we all learn on the job. So you're in good company!


Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Comments are always welcome and appreciated. I promise not to make you do a word verification!